Since I met my husband almost 5 years ago, I seem to have picked up a nasty little cursing habit. So bad in fact that I almost embarass myself sometimes! It's mostly just your occasional: shit, ass, damn. However I have been known to drop a few "F-bombs," some "Mother F-bombs," and lately a ton of "S.O.B.s!"
What is my problem? I am a grown woman! I should have more self control than that! But sometimes life just throws a big Son Of A Bitch your way, and by George you gotta' let it out!!
For instance, today I was at Wal-Mart (the hell hole of grocery stores) shopping and I decided to pick up a 12 pack of Corona since Robert was going to be home early from work. I was thinking, "Wow, this is going to be great. We will put Addison to bed and have a drink with dinner. Yippee!"
Well, I had a lot of stuff in my cart so I put the Corona on the bottom. When I got to the car, I was going to put it in the back and I grabbed what I assumed was the side handle. Guess what? It was the flap that opens the damn thing and the box fell to the ground and glass flew everywhere and beer was spewing out and I yelled, at the top of my lungs, "Son of a Bitch!" In a public parking lot where other mothers are carting their children to and fro, I just begin yelling obscenities. I am such white trash sometimes!
So I begin cleaning up my beer-soaked mess and I get a piece of glass stuck in my finger, I mean really, the only thing that could have made this situation more insane would have been Addison screaming her head off. Thank goodness my daughter has more self restraint than I.
Anyway, I made it home with 10 beers, which isn't half bad considering the mess I made in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Now, I am sitting here drinking one while waiting for Robert to get home, he is already 34 minutes late (imagine that.) If he's not careful, I might start yelling obscenities at the neighbors (you know I wouldn't really do that!)
The point of this whole. long, saga was to see if there are alternatives to my fave curse words that will be just as gratifying. I need something with a little more meat on it than: shoot, darn, butt, and fudge! Give me something with some zing, come on it will save me some humiliation the next time I shatter glass in a public parking lot.
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I like Cheese and Rice, Martha Focker and Jeeze Louise. But truthfully, nothing works better than the originals.
ReplyDeleteha ha..that's funny. I have never heard you curse though, I don't think anyway. I say "Shitake" but other than that I think it's just the good old orginals..or frickin', of course that one is usually followed by dumba** so not sure that it would be better than fing dumba**. LOL.
ReplyDeleteCome see your mamma darling. I can cure that cussin for ya. I have plenty of lye soap.
ReplyDeleteOmaaaagosh! You are too funny. I haven't been back to my blog in ages. I know, that dang twitter has taken my blog time. HA! N e who, here are a few of my new favorite "made up" curse words ... SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! It has them thinkin' you are gonna drop the F-bomb but ya don't! Shonda's new one is SHAT! For S.O.B. our favorite is SON OF A BISCUIT EATER! And then there is always MOTHER TRUCKER! My mother says, "Dona Marie, you might as well say it. You are thinkin' it anyway!" But I'm not ... honest! ;) Hope this helps! Love and miss ya! :)
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