Hiatus

O.K. so it's been a while since my last post! I do apologize. But I swear I think that these days, I am all out of funny. Fresh out. None in stock, not even a crumb. I don't know what's up with me lately but I feel like I have nothing interesting or remotely humorous to share.

Robert and I were talking the other night and he was giving me a hard time about not updating the blog and we were trying to think of ideas for an entry and it was like there were crickets in the room. Complete silence... nothing... nada... zip.

So I decided that would make a good topic. Being over "funny." I just don't have the energy anymore to be hilarious, not that I ever was hilarious, but still! So I am sitting here watching Addison eat her lunch and the T.V. is of course showing footage of the MJ funeral, and nothing funny is going on.

I mean Addison is covered head to toe in Mac-N-Cheese, but that's normal. And, she is attempting to eat with a spoon, leaving evidence of her inexperience everywhere, but every house has that at some point... right? Now the bowl has been dumped and she is licking the bottom of it while laughing at the sight of so much Mac-N-Cheese on the floor... totally uneventful!

So now she is "AHHH DAHHH" or "all done" with her food so it's time for fruit. Today seems like a blueberry day since I bought a shit-ton of them for a play date that I forgot I couldn't go to because I have to sit here and wait for the cable guy for 5 hours. Now, I don't know if many of you know this, but Addison can eat more blueberries than we can buy, so I typically just cut a heap of them on her highchair and let her go to town. What is it about fruit that makes her go ballistic? Who knows, but I am grateful because she won't go near a vegetable, not even if I hide it in something else. She goes all stealth mode on me and eats around the vegetable and then spits it out, amazing. She can't say "please," but she can maneuver her tongue to eat around a vegetable in order to spit it out later.

O.K. so now we have a poopy diaper so I think my computer time is up, so hopefully there will be more interesting stories to come. Sorry for the lackluster play by play of our uneventful afternoon, but I just didn't have anything else to share and I needed to get back into the game... thanks for listening:)

Water Baby

Such a Hollywood Diva

Mommy and Addison in the Pool

She loved looking at the water

And Of Course Splashing

Such a Cutie

Well, today I did something that I hoped I wouldn't have to do for a long time. I experienced a first with Addison without Daddy:(

I had to get Addison to the pool I wanted her to get to swim all summer and be a water baby and everyday Daddy has been off of work, it has rained. So now he doesn't have a day off in the foreseeable future and it was a gorgeous day here in Atlanta, so we decided to dive right in!

She of course was in awe of the huge bathtub! She loved splashing around and was trying to kick her legs and "swim" her arms. I think that maybe she will be an Olympic swimmer one day! No seriously she is advanced... I know your jealous!

Of Curse

Since I met my husband almost 5 years ago, I seem to have picked up a nasty little cursing habit. So bad in fact that I almost embarass myself sometimes! It's mostly just your occasional: shit, ass, damn. However I have been known to drop a few "F-bombs," some "Mother F-bombs," and lately a ton of "S.O.B.s!"
What is my problem? I am a grown woman! I should have more self control than that! But sometimes life just throws a big Son Of A Bitch your way, and by George you gotta' let it out!!
For instance, today I was at Wal-Mart (the hell hole of grocery stores) shopping and I decided to pick up a 12 pack of Corona since Robert was going to be home early from work. I was thinking, "Wow, this is going to be great. We will put Addison to bed and have a drink with dinner. Yippee!"
Well, I had a lot of stuff in my cart so I put the Corona on the bottom. When I got to the car, I was going to put it in the back and I grabbed what I assumed was the side handle. Guess what? It was the flap that opens the damn thing and the box fell to the ground and glass flew everywhere and beer was spewing out and I yelled, at the top of my lungs, "Son of a Bitch!" In a public parking lot where other mothers are carting their children to and fro, I just begin yelling obscenities. I am such white trash sometimes!
So I begin cleaning up my beer-soaked mess and I get a piece of glass stuck in my finger, I mean really, the only thing that could have made this situation more insane would have been Addison screaming her head off. Thank goodness my daughter has more self restraint than I.
Anyway, I made it home with 10 beers, which isn't half bad considering the mess I made in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Now, I am sitting here drinking one while waiting for Robert to get home, he is already 34 minutes late (imagine that.) If he's not careful, I might start yelling obscenities at the neighbors (you know I wouldn't really do that!)
The point of this whole. long, saga was to see if there are alternatives to my fave curse words that will be just as gratifying. I need something with a little more meat on it than: shoot, darn, butt, and fudge! Give me something with some zing, come on it will save me some humiliation the next time I shatter glass in a public parking lot.

Be Careful What You Wish For!!

So Upset...
Do you see the little tear on her cheek?

Well, those of you who know me are aware of the fact that over the last few months I have been wondering when Addison was going to get her teeth. All the other children around us had mouths full of beautiful pearly whites and here comes my Addison with her gummy old lady smile that can melt your heart! I was beginning to wonder if she was going to have to have "special" lunches in Kindergarten!

Well, my questions have been answered and we have entered into the WONDERFUL world of teething! The last few days she has been very moody and not her typical happy-go-lucky self. Well, today she woke up with an attitude! I was feeling around in her mouth and sure enough there is a little tooth poking through.

With this in mind, I tried to be very patient with her today. I was holding her whenever she needed comfort, staying in the same room with her so she wouldn't get upset, giving her frozen teething rings to bite on, Tylenol for the pain, and I cancelled my trip to the gym so that I wouldn't have to leave her in the daycare. Now, I know that all of these things are part of Mommyhood, however I feel like maybe she didn't even appreciate all I did for her today. In fact, she didn't even notice!

On a similar note, the other day Robert and I were discussing the blog and he came up with a pretty clever concept for an article so I will just tie it in with this one since I need some advice from experienced mommies out there. How about we all comment on this post with some advice for other moms. This can be anything that you think will be helpful to others.

For example, the other day I was in Target shopping with Addison and another Mom came up to me and asked me how I get Addison to sit still long enough to put in those signature piggy tails. Well, I told her that I put her in her highchair with something to play with so she will be looking down and I can quickly part her hair and pin it up. Now to me, this seemed like perfect sense however, she had never thought of that. I am sure all of you reading this have a "Mommy Tip" to share that seems like perfect sense to you, but the rest of us just haven't figured it out yet.

I am hoping that some of you might have some advice/home remedies for teething and the grumpiness that comes along with it. I would be very grateful. Let's get this started and maybe we can all help one another.

Such a Mess

Every Meal is a Mess
This is the pile from ONE lunch...

She is soooo proud of the work she's done!

The mess goes all the way to the living room:)

Yummy Liscious...

I don't know if everyone else out there has this problem, with a baby how could you not, but everytime Addison eats a meal it looks like a tornado came through my kitchen. I don't get it! How does she get full, when everything ends up on either the floor or her cute, little, chubby face. And if it wasn't bad enough that she drops half of what she eats, the other half she throws as far as she can!

Now if any of you out there can help me with this little problem, I would love to know your suggestions. I know that kids will make messes, but man I dread mealtime. I actually want to just not feed her (I would never do that just for the record). But, I do not look forward to cleaning up the hellacious mess that follows providing my child with adequate nutrition, but we can't eat every meal at the park or a restaurant, so I must clean 3 times a day, everyday! But I guess she's worth it:)

Baby Steps

We are on the move... or should I say , Addison is on the move! Yesterday she was officially 10 months and 2 days old and sick of crawling. She decided it might be more fun to just walk, and since then she is getting braver and braver and taking more steps at a time. Thankfully Robert was home to see the blessed event, and then later in the day when she became a pro at it, I called him at work and he rushed home to see his little angel practically running from the couch to the ottoman!

I am so proud of her, and also freaking out a little that she is growing up so terribly fast. Where did the time go? I mean I know she is only 10 months old, but I feel like now that she is walking she won't need old mommy anymore. She is growing so independent and strong-willed... I have no idea where she gets that from! She won't even eat sitting in my lap anymore, she has to be in a chair with no help from mommy.

And don't even get me started on how she made a big, fat liar out of me yesterday. I decided to join a gym with several of the other mommies in our playgroup and yesterday was our first day. I have never left Addison with anyone we aren't related to and she normally won't let strangers touch her, so I was feeling anxiety about leaving her with total strangers. However, her friends from playgroup were all going to be there and I thought that might keep her company. Well, when we arrived, I told Janelle that Addison was going to scream her guts out as soon as I left the room and they would probably have to come and get me before the class was over. Well, we left and she played with Sienna like she was at home... I don't even think she missed me!

She had a big day yesterday, but I think it had more of an impact on me. I am glad she is growing and changing and becoming her own little person, but she is steadily becoming more and more of a little girl and less and less of a little baby!

Caricatures are for the Birds!

As a couple, Robert and I luckily haven't made many mistakes. We seem to make pretty sound decisions between the two of us, and haven't royally screwed anything up yet. However, there are two specific subjects that we just cannot seem to get right. They are: selling our house, and having caricatures drawn.

I know you're thinking, "What the hell do those two things have to do with one another?" The answer is nothing, except for the fact that neither of them have seemed to work out for us so far. We put our house up for sale just as the market tanked and no one wants to buy anything, so we still live here.

And as for caricatures, we went to Las Vegas on vacation back in 2005 and we thought it would be so fun to have a silly picture drawn of the two of us as a memento of the occasion. We sat there for about 20 minutes while this old man in the Venetian Hotel proceeded to capture our beauty on paper. We were sweating bullets and starving and ready to get the hell out of there, but it was going to be so worth it! When he was through with all the finishing touches, he handed over his artwork. OMG, my jaw must have dropped to the ground in awe at how much this did NOT look like either of us. Well, lets just say it was hideous. My best friend of all time, Sherry, told me I looked like the Bride of Chuckie and Robert looked like a 12 year old boy! That's what is so great about best friends, honesty!

Now, you would think we would've learned our lesson. Oh... No... we aren't that smart.

We went to a local festival this weekend and there was a caricaturist there. All of the artwork that he had displayed was really good and we watched him draw several portraits while we waited patiently for our turn. We thought that it would be great to have Addison's picture drawn as a memento of the occasion... $15 down the drain!

Addison sat there so patiently and allowed this man to draw her to perfection. He was grinning from ear to ear as he revealed his latest masterpiece. When he showed me that picture, I almost laughed out loud in his face. It is scary looking. That picture doesn't even look like a baby, let alone my baby! Robert said it looked like an 80 year old woman with piggy tails! I think I agree.

Tell me what you think. Should I have told that guy he could keep his creepy old picture and ran? I mean what do you do in a situation like this? I know one thing, we will not be paying for anymore of these so called masterpieces!