Hiatus

O.K. so it's been a while since my last post! I do apologize. But I swear I think that these days, I am all out of funny. Fresh out. None in stock, not even a crumb. I don't know what's up with me lately but I feel like I have nothing interesting or remotely humorous to share.

Robert and I were talking the other night and he was giving me a hard time about not updating the blog and we were trying to think of ideas for an entry and it was like there were crickets in the room. Complete silence... nothing... nada... zip.

So I decided that would make a good topic. Being over "funny." I just don't have the energy anymore to be hilarious, not that I ever was hilarious, but still! So I am sitting here watching Addison eat her lunch and the T.V. is of course showing footage of the MJ funeral, and nothing funny is going on.

I mean Addison is covered head to toe in Mac-N-Cheese, but that's normal. And, she is attempting to eat with a spoon, leaving evidence of her inexperience everywhere, but every house has that at some point... right? Now the bowl has been dumped and she is licking the bottom of it while laughing at the sight of so much Mac-N-Cheese on the floor... totally uneventful!

So now she is "AHHH DAHHH" or "all done" with her food so it's time for fruit. Today seems like a blueberry day since I bought a shit-ton of them for a play date that I forgot I couldn't go to because I have to sit here and wait for the cable guy for 5 hours. Now, I don't know if many of you know this, but Addison can eat more blueberries than we can buy, so I typically just cut a heap of them on her highchair and let her go to town. What is it about fruit that makes her go ballistic? Who knows, but I am grateful because she won't go near a vegetable, not even if I hide it in something else. She goes all stealth mode on me and eats around the vegetable and then spits it out, amazing. She can't say "please," but she can maneuver her tongue to eat around a vegetable in order to spit it out later.

O.K. so now we have a poopy diaper so I think my computer time is up, so hopefully there will be more interesting stories to come. Sorry for the lackluster play by play of our uneventful afternoon, but I just didn't have anything else to share and I needed to get back into the game... thanks for listening:)

Water Baby

Such a Hollywood Diva

Mommy and Addison in the Pool

She loved looking at the water

And Of Course Splashing

Such a Cutie

Well, today I did something that I hoped I wouldn't have to do for a long time. I experienced a first with Addison without Daddy:(

I had to get Addison to the pool I wanted her to get to swim all summer and be a water baby and everyday Daddy has been off of work, it has rained. So now he doesn't have a day off in the foreseeable future and it was a gorgeous day here in Atlanta, so we decided to dive right in!

She of course was in awe of the huge bathtub! She loved splashing around and was trying to kick her legs and "swim" her arms. I think that maybe she will be an Olympic swimmer one day! No seriously she is advanced... I know your jealous!

Of Curse

Since I met my husband almost 5 years ago, I seem to have picked up a nasty little cursing habit. So bad in fact that I almost embarass myself sometimes! It's mostly just your occasional: shit, ass, damn. However I have been known to drop a few "F-bombs," some "Mother F-bombs," and lately a ton of "S.O.B.s!"
What is my problem? I am a grown woman! I should have more self control than that! But sometimes life just throws a big Son Of A Bitch your way, and by George you gotta' let it out!!
For instance, today I was at Wal-Mart (the hell hole of grocery stores) shopping and I decided to pick up a 12 pack of Corona since Robert was going to be home early from work. I was thinking, "Wow, this is going to be great. We will put Addison to bed and have a drink with dinner. Yippee!"
Well, I had a lot of stuff in my cart so I put the Corona on the bottom. When I got to the car, I was going to put it in the back and I grabbed what I assumed was the side handle. Guess what? It was the flap that opens the damn thing and the box fell to the ground and glass flew everywhere and beer was spewing out and I yelled, at the top of my lungs, "Son of a Bitch!" In a public parking lot where other mothers are carting their children to and fro, I just begin yelling obscenities. I am such white trash sometimes!
So I begin cleaning up my beer-soaked mess and I get a piece of glass stuck in my finger, I mean really, the only thing that could have made this situation more insane would have been Addison screaming her head off. Thank goodness my daughter has more self restraint than I.
Anyway, I made it home with 10 beers, which isn't half bad considering the mess I made in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Now, I am sitting here drinking one while waiting for Robert to get home, he is already 34 minutes late (imagine that.) If he's not careful, I might start yelling obscenities at the neighbors (you know I wouldn't really do that!)
The point of this whole. long, saga was to see if there are alternatives to my fave curse words that will be just as gratifying. I need something with a little more meat on it than: shoot, darn, butt, and fudge! Give me something with some zing, come on it will save me some humiliation the next time I shatter glass in a public parking lot.

Be Careful What You Wish For!!

So Upset...
Do you see the little tear on her cheek?

Well, those of you who know me are aware of the fact that over the last few months I have been wondering when Addison was going to get her teeth. All the other children around us had mouths full of beautiful pearly whites and here comes my Addison with her gummy old lady smile that can melt your heart! I was beginning to wonder if she was going to have to have "special" lunches in Kindergarten!

Well, my questions have been answered and we have entered into the WONDERFUL world of teething! The last few days she has been very moody and not her typical happy-go-lucky self. Well, today she woke up with an attitude! I was feeling around in her mouth and sure enough there is a little tooth poking through.

With this in mind, I tried to be very patient with her today. I was holding her whenever she needed comfort, staying in the same room with her so she wouldn't get upset, giving her frozen teething rings to bite on, Tylenol for the pain, and I cancelled my trip to the gym so that I wouldn't have to leave her in the daycare. Now, I know that all of these things are part of Mommyhood, however I feel like maybe she didn't even appreciate all I did for her today. In fact, she didn't even notice!

On a similar note, the other day Robert and I were discussing the blog and he came up with a pretty clever concept for an article so I will just tie it in with this one since I need some advice from experienced mommies out there. How about we all comment on this post with some advice for other moms. This can be anything that you think will be helpful to others.

For example, the other day I was in Target shopping with Addison and another Mom came up to me and asked me how I get Addison to sit still long enough to put in those signature piggy tails. Well, I told her that I put her in her highchair with something to play with so she will be looking down and I can quickly part her hair and pin it up. Now to me, this seemed like perfect sense however, she had never thought of that. I am sure all of you reading this have a "Mommy Tip" to share that seems like perfect sense to you, but the rest of us just haven't figured it out yet.

I am hoping that some of you might have some advice/home remedies for teething and the grumpiness that comes along with it. I would be very grateful. Let's get this started and maybe we can all help one another.

Such a Mess

Every Meal is a Mess
This is the pile from ONE lunch...

She is soooo proud of the work she's done!

The mess goes all the way to the living room:)

Yummy Liscious...

I don't know if everyone else out there has this problem, with a baby how could you not, but everytime Addison eats a meal it looks like a tornado came through my kitchen. I don't get it! How does she get full, when everything ends up on either the floor or her cute, little, chubby face. And if it wasn't bad enough that she drops half of what she eats, the other half she throws as far as she can!

Now if any of you out there can help me with this little problem, I would love to know your suggestions. I know that kids will make messes, but man I dread mealtime. I actually want to just not feed her (I would never do that just for the record). But, I do not look forward to cleaning up the hellacious mess that follows providing my child with adequate nutrition, but we can't eat every meal at the park or a restaurant, so I must clean 3 times a day, everyday! But I guess she's worth it:)

Baby Steps

We are on the move... or should I say , Addison is on the move! Yesterday she was officially 10 months and 2 days old and sick of crawling. She decided it might be more fun to just walk, and since then she is getting braver and braver and taking more steps at a time. Thankfully Robert was home to see the blessed event, and then later in the day when she became a pro at it, I called him at work and he rushed home to see his little angel practically running from the couch to the ottoman!

I am so proud of her, and also freaking out a little that she is growing up so terribly fast. Where did the time go? I mean I know she is only 10 months old, but I feel like now that she is walking she won't need old mommy anymore. She is growing so independent and strong-willed... I have no idea where she gets that from! She won't even eat sitting in my lap anymore, she has to be in a chair with no help from mommy.

And don't even get me started on how she made a big, fat liar out of me yesterday. I decided to join a gym with several of the other mommies in our playgroup and yesterday was our first day. I have never left Addison with anyone we aren't related to and she normally won't let strangers touch her, so I was feeling anxiety about leaving her with total strangers. However, her friends from playgroup were all going to be there and I thought that might keep her company. Well, when we arrived, I told Janelle that Addison was going to scream her guts out as soon as I left the room and they would probably have to come and get me before the class was over. Well, we left and she played with Sienna like she was at home... I don't even think she missed me!

She had a big day yesterday, but I think it had more of an impact on me. I am glad she is growing and changing and becoming her own little person, but she is steadily becoming more and more of a little girl and less and less of a little baby!

Caricatures are for the Birds!

As a couple, Robert and I luckily haven't made many mistakes. We seem to make pretty sound decisions between the two of us, and haven't royally screwed anything up yet. However, there are two specific subjects that we just cannot seem to get right. They are: selling our house, and having caricatures drawn.

I know you're thinking, "What the hell do those two things have to do with one another?" The answer is nothing, except for the fact that neither of them have seemed to work out for us so far. We put our house up for sale just as the market tanked and no one wants to buy anything, so we still live here.

And as for caricatures, we went to Las Vegas on vacation back in 2005 and we thought it would be so fun to have a silly picture drawn of the two of us as a memento of the occasion. We sat there for about 20 minutes while this old man in the Venetian Hotel proceeded to capture our beauty on paper. We were sweating bullets and starving and ready to get the hell out of there, but it was going to be so worth it! When he was through with all the finishing touches, he handed over his artwork. OMG, my jaw must have dropped to the ground in awe at how much this did NOT look like either of us. Well, lets just say it was hideous. My best friend of all time, Sherry, told me I looked like the Bride of Chuckie and Robert looked like a 12 year old boy! That's what is so great about best friends, honesty!

Now, you would think we would've learned our lesson. Oh... No... we aren't that smart.

We went to a local festival this weekend and there was a caricaturist there. All of the artwork that he had displayed was really good and we watched him draw several portraits while we waited patiently for our turn. We thought that it would be great to have Addison's picture drawn as a memento of the occasion... $15 down the drain!

Addison sat there so patiently and allowed this man to draw her to perfection. He was grinning from ear to ear as he revealed his latest masterpiece. When he showed me that picture, I almost laughed out loud in his face. It is scary looking. That picture doesn't even look like a baby, let alone my baby! Robert said it looked like an 80 year old woman with piggy tails! I think I agree.

Tell me what you think. Should I have told that guy he could keep his creepy old picture and ran? I mean what do you do in a situation like this? I know one thing, we will not be paying for anymore of these so called masterpieces!

Peeved

O.k. so this doesn't really have anything to do with being a mommy or anything, but it is still hilarious. Well, hilarious to me anyway.

Robert and I have many inside jokes, quotes, tag lines, etc... just as any other couple I am sure. But one thing in particular, which comes up frequently just really makes me chuckle. Robert is usually a pretty calm guy. Frivolous things don't usually get him all riled up, but one thing in particular really gets him going!

Anytime that you see a survey (phone, email, web, television, or mail), there are always several different options for each question. Now most of us don't really give much thought to the answers that other people would give to any of these questions. But not my husband. He just gets all bent out of shape because of "stupid people."

He can go on and on for hours about the idiocracy of taking the effort to fill out a survey or answer a question online, only to choose the ever so controversial "Not Sure" answer.

"Why would you be like, yeah I'm going to fill out this survey because I have an opinion about this subject. Oh wait, I'm not sure!" This is a statement I have heard several dozen times from my endearing hubby, each time inducing significant laughter on my end.

I feel like, "Really? This is what bothers you? Who cares whether these random individuals choose Not Sure on a question." There are so many other things that people do that are a lot more annoying, but this is what really gets his goat!

I think it's absolutely hilarious every time he gets going on his rampage about how stupid people are and how they waste their time. He get so bent out of shape, and I just find it amusing! The reason that I am writing about this today is because once again on Sunday we had about a 15 minute conversation over who these people are and what else they could be doing with their time. Also, a new quote from dear ole hubby was, "Just make a f@$%ing decision already!" He... He... my man is so funny sometimes!

Love ya' Babe:)

PS- I would love to hear what is Peeving you! Leave me a comment so we can all share all those silly little things that get us up in a tizzy! Also, if you are one of those crazies who picks "Not Sure" please leave an explanation of why so that I can ease my hubby's angst!

Cheerio

Well, ever since we were at a play date a couple of weeks ago, and I saw a little girl the same age as Addison feeding herself an entire meal I have been trying to teach Addison that she can do it. She is coming along nicely.

At first she just kind of threw the food in the direction of her mouth hoping something would land inside. Then she would be so hungry and teased by all this delicious food on her highchair that she just couldn't seem to get into her mouth! That's when she would just look at me and start yelling, like "Hey Mom, I'm starving! Isn't it your job to feed me?"

But, for the last few days, she has been progressively getting more and more into her mouth. And every time she seamlessly picks up a Cheerio and shoves it into her mouth I cheer like a wild woman. You would think she had been elected the first female president of this great United States. I mean my child can feed herself.

Then I started thinking about how as parents, we love our children so much and they are our whole world. So everything that they do is amazing to us and we think it's the most impressive, magical, extraordinary thing we have ever seen. When in reality, every child since the dawn of civilization has done all the same things at some point. But to us our child is special. I love that. It gives me hope that the second child will be just as mind-boggling as the first. Everything that he or she does will be just as special and amazing as Addison.

So, not only can my child eat Cheerios, but she can eat bagels, sandwiches, bananas, fruit bars, you name it! She is special, an over achiever. She even figured out that all the slippery foods that she cannot grab onto can simply be scooted to the edge of the highchair tray and sucked up by her mouth. She is exceptional:)

To Have, and to See Sometimes in the Bathroom

So, when you get married, you think it's going to be so great to get to see this man everyday and spend time with him for the next, I don't know, 100 years. And it is great, when you actually get to see each other and have an adult conversation. Robert has been working so much lately it's like we say "Hi" to each other in the bathroom while brushing our teeth, and then we go to bed. I miss him.

You know, as SAHMs, our husbands work really hard to provide for our families so that we can stay home with the kiddos. I really appreciate EVERYTHING that Robert does for our family, and believe me I know he would rather be at home with us. But that still doesn't change the fact that he is at work... a lot!

So, he has the day off tomorrow (shocker). However, he has to go in for a "mandatory" meeting in the morning.... argggghh!! And April is pretty much a goner for us because the other manager that works with him is having surgery (out for 10 days), and then having a baby (out for 7 days). Maybe if we are lucky Robert might get one day off in there.

So today, I have called him about 17 times. You know to say, "Hey Addison just burped!" or something rather insignificant like that.

Let the screaming begin

So, for the last 3 days, Addison has finally been sleeping through the night!! We are talking from 7 pm to 7:30 am. This is amazing! I haven't slept all the way through the night since I got pregnant in October of 2007!

So this morning I was telling Robert that I think we have turned the corner into a new phase where she sleeps more often and wow isn't it amazing. Little did I know that I would jinx myself. What was I thinking? I know better.

It's like when you are going to bed at like 11:30 and your like, "Wow she hasn't made a peep since I laid her down." and then 5 seconds later she screams like a wild animal is gnawing on her arm through her crib, and you think to yourself, "Self, why did you say anything out loud? You know better!"

Well, tonight I put her to bed at around 7 with high hopes that this night would be like the previous 3, quiet. I sat down and began working on this site only to hear her wild woman screams 30 minutes later!! What, you are supposed to be sleeping through the night, remember. Your Dad and I were so proud, we bragged about it all morning. Now your making us out to be liars!

Anyway, I went into her room and picked her up (because she's just too cute not to) and comforted her for a few minutes. Now I am not going to tell you that she's sleeping like an angel but you can guess what is going on since I am sitting here writing this entry. SHHHHH don't tell anyone.

Newby

Where to begin. This is my first blog EVER!! I guess I am behind the times, as my grandmother would've said. At first I didn't get why anyone would spend so much time journaling on the internet for others to see, and now I realise that it is a process that has brought people together worldwide. It's pretty amazing.

Now that I am a mother of a beautiful little girl, Addison, I am experiencing some incredible new life lessons/moments that HAVE to be documented and what better way than by blogging. I want this site to be fun, lighthearted, and truthful. Hopefully no family members or friends will become embarrassed to say they know me as a result of this honesty, nonetheless I plan to be completely candid.

My name is Amanda and I am married to a magnificent man, Robert. He is a wonderful father and husband and our daughter worships him! Addison is 9 months old and she is the center of our universe as you can imagine. Together we live in a suburb of Atlanta, however moving closer to family is high on our list of life goals! It is hard to raise a child with abosolutely no family nearby. You know what they say, "It takes a village." Well, our village consists of my husband and myself and he works around 80 hours a week so you do the math.

I am a SAHM (stay at home mom) and Robert works in the automotive industry, not the greatest business in this economy, but so far so good.